


A Short Note to Hiddleston (A Tom Hiddleston Fanfiction)

by AlexandraRM_98



Category: Tom Hiddleston - Fandom
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-10-24
Updated: 2015-12-09
Packaged: 2018-04-27 20:02:26
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 4
Words: 4,872
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5062120
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AlexandraRM_98/pseuds/AlexandraRM_98
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Nicole Williams, at 18 years old, cannot bear her life anymore. The only thing keeping her alive is the one and only Tom William Hiddleston. He's the only reason she can try to smile everyday and pretend everything is okay. But when she reaches her limit and decides to give up,  she writes a letter to Tom. A suicide note to be precise. Just a simple goodbye to the only one in her life she cares about.  But can Tom save Nicole from her miserable life?</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

Chapter 1

“Nicole, I won't do this anymore" Andrew said, "We're done. This whole thing, it was a lie. I don’t love you, I never have, never will" 

Those words stung my heart. It was only a week ago that he said he loved me, that he would always be there for me. I couldn't keep myself together anymore. I was beginning to love someone and…it was just a lie?! 

The thought kept going through my head, but I still couldn't believe it. I stared into his eyes trying to find something in them that would tell me he was lying about this or that maybe he was being forced to do this, but there was none.

"I…" I started to speak, but I couldn't continue. I was just too lost. 

"I’m jut too good for you Nicole," with those last painful words, he left me in the pouring rain in the middle of London. 

I ran.

I ran all the way home in my drenched shoes that were clearly not meant to be worn in the rain.

I fumbled around for my key but someone opened the door before I did. My mother stood at the door. 

Shit.

I barely got a word out before she grabbed me by my wet braids and dragged me inside the house. 

"I told you to be home before eight, you little shit, this is the seventh time this week you disobey me! And to make it worse, you didn't tell me where the hell you were going!" Then she slapped me across the face. It stuck, like always, but I refused to show it had affected me either way.

She knew I was distressed, but she was not a compassionate person. What happened in my life never mattered to her. I knew she hated me....that she didn't care. 

"When you leave the house, I expect to know where you are, what you're doing, and who you're doing it with. I don't want the police knocking on my door at some ungodly hour of the night telling me they found you dead in a ditch! Not that it really matters to me if you end up in some ditch, but I really don't need the trouble!" She yelled in my face. 

I wasn't in the mood to put up with her shit.

I ran to the stairs with every intention to disappear in my room for the rest of my life, but before I went up I notice my father trying to come down. I say "trying'" because he was hopelessly failing. He looked a bit pale and I could tell he had come home drunk again. 

"Move it you little shit", he said pushing me away as he stumbled down the last few steps. 

I took a few steps away from him and waited for him to pass and made my way upstairs. I was at the door of my room before I paused to listen to their argument. 

"It’s not my fault that good for nothing daughter of yours turned out the way she did!" my father yelled. 

"Well if you weren't drunk all the time maybe she would be worth taking care off!" my mother countered, also yelling. 

"If you don't get her under control I will, and it’s not gonna be pretty" my dad said harshly. 

Get me under control? I was hardly a rebellious teenager. 

" How about you get a real job and get some money for this family; then at the very least we could afford to take care of our son " my mom spat. 

Their son. 

My little brother. 

They only cared for him. That’s how it had always been. I was the mistake that showed up at an inopportune moment of my mother's life that changed and ruined her life. She was in sixth form when she got pregnant and dropped out of school. My father married my mother only two years later and have lived miserably ever since. My brother was planned. I still don't know why they wanted to screw up another child, but they had their reasons. 

I walked into my room only to find my little brother using my laptop, answering my emails. 

"What the Hell are you doing?!" I yelled. I forcibly pushed him out of my chair and shut my laptop. 

He gave me a wry smile and ran out of my room yelling, "Mum! Nicole hit me!" 

The little brat lied again. My mother was at my door in seconds.

"How dare you hit my son like that?!" she yelled.

"I didn’t, he's lying!" I defended. I knew it was useless to argue, but it couldn't hurt to try. 

My little brother is an "angel that came down from heaven" to my parents. 

"That’s it! I am sick of your constant lies! Nicole, you're in Year 13 and you're so stupid to do anything with your life; you wont even get into college. I am done caring for the worthless piece of shit that you are! So I am done with you. From now on, if you want to live under this roof, you have to pay rent and you provide your own food and necessities. You call me Mrs. William as you are no daughter of mine anymore!” My mother disowned me.

"You can’t be serious!" I yelled, "I don’t even have a job and I work my ass off in school!” 

"Rent is £500 a month, starting next month," with that she slammed the door of my room and left.

£500! It might as well have been a million pounds, I couldn't possibly afford that! I flopped onto my bed defeated and cried. I lost track of the hours that past but I cried until I had no tears left. I blew my nose and trudged to my laptop. I changed my password and scrolled through Tom Hiddleston's tweets. Why? you may ask. He was the only person in the world that could make me smile. He was the most amazing person I had seen, though I had never even met him. 

Reader, since you took the time to read this far into my miserable existence (God knows why), there are a few things you should know:  
My name is Nicole Williams. I'm seventeen years old and I live in London. I worked hard in school, I really did, and I'm sure I would have had no trouble passing my classes if I had had the energy and will to get up in the morning every day. In other words, I was basically worthless. My mother was right about nothing coming out of my life. My existence was a mistake in the first place, and the rest of it will be the same. I was nobody to this world, and I was learning to accept that. The world was too big for me to be anything or make a difference. As for my family, I guess I deserved everything they did to me since I didn't deserve my life to begin with. I had yet to meet someone in my life that cared, and I guess that's because there are none. No one looked at a girl like me twice. My professors had no reason to care for me (in fact, I'm sure they all detested me), and I had no one to call friend. I thought things were getting better at one point. Two months ago, Andrew Howard approached me. He asked if I wanted to go out with him, and I, being the idiot I was, said yes. It was all I had ever dreamed it would be, but it was a dream indeed. As it turned out, it was a dare gone wrong that led him to me. It must have been pity that kept him around until now. All you really need to know about me is that I was a worthless waste of space; well that’s what everyone says anyways. To strangers I passed while walking around the streets, I'm sure my world seemed perfect. They just didn't know how to look past the smile I hid behind. They would never know the hell I lived in. 

I grabbed a knife from my drawers and pulled my sleeves up revealing various scars, some of which hadn't healed yet. I pressed the knife to my arm and smoothly slit my wrist. I watched blood flow from the cut.I tried to quit once, but I couldn't. I needed it. It was my way out. I dropped the knife on the floor and walked to my window. I don't know how many times I had thought of jumping out, but it wasn't high enough to cause much damage. 

Tom Hiddleston was the only reason I was still breathing. He was the only reason I had decided to go through another day of torture. No, I wan't an obsessive fangirl who had nothing better to do with her time than stalk celebrities. Tom was just my inspiration, my reason to keep living. The hope that one day things would be bearable.

But in my heart I knew it wouldn't.


	2. Chapter 2

Chapter 2 

I was woken by the sun shining through my bedroom window. I rubbed my eyes and sat up.

Why the hell was it sunny outside? First of all, this was London, if it wasn't raining, there was something wrong with the universe. Second of all, the day was too happy for me. it didn't exactly match my current mood. My pillow was still wet from all the tears I had shed last night.

I looked at my alarm clock to see it was only 7:00 AM. I still had some time before school started. I ran my fingers against the scars on my wrist, wincing at the pain that caused me. They were mostly healed, but the area was tender. 

I let my gaze shift to my poster of Tom Hiddleston that I had on my wall. I gave him a quick smile and walked into the bathroom to examine my sullen face. 

Oh God, I looked a mess.

My long chocolate brown hair was tied up in knots and my eyes were still red from crying. I undressed, throwing my pajamas carelessly on the floor and took a quick shower. I then put on some jeans, a violet blouse and grabbed my things for school.

I grabbed an apple as I left.

I decided that this would be a test to see how serious my mother was about the whole "you have to pay for your food" thing. I walked through the streets of London chewing on my apple. The streets were still wet from last night's downpour.

I walked a couple more blocks to my school's campus. It wasn't a very large building. It was simply tall and made out of brick. If it weren't for the sign that read Stone Hill Secondary School, you'd have never guessed that plain building was a school. 

I walked in through the front doors right as the bell rang. I ran to my locker to avoid being late, ignoring the group of girls snickering at me as I passed them. I took out a text book and went to period 1, which was calculus. 

"Hey Professor Thomson" I greeted my teacher flashing him a smile to hide my obvious distress. He gave me a small simper as I sat down and then got up from his desk.

"Today we will be starting a new lesson. Turn to page 432 in your text book, and read the chapter silently. Take notes."

Half the class groaned. What was the point of him as a professor if we were teaching ourselves the lesson? 

I opened my book and flipped through the chapter. Everyone else stared at their text book blankly with confused expressions on their faces.. 

I skimmed over the chapter jotting down a few things that seemed important, not really bothering to understand. I wasn't motivated, so sue me. 

"Pssst.." someone called from behind. I turned around slightly to meet the gaze of Jenna, one of the more decent people in my year, who had called my attention.

"What?" I whispered 

"Do you understand this at all?" she asked.

I shrugged. 

Sarah, who sat next to me, snickered and whispered something that sounded like 'dumbass' but I decided to ignore her.

"Miss Williams please refrain from talking in my class" Mr. Thomson said. 

Of course he singled me out... 

I admit, it took all my will-power to refrain from giving him a sarcastic or rude remark. I muttered and apology and kept working.

Forty minutes later, the bell rang and I rushed to my next period. 

My next class was French. French wasn't too difficult if you didn't count the fact that my grammar was atrocious. However, Madame Marèchal hated me and I gladly returned the feeling. 

"Bonjour" I said, purposely mispronouncing it to sound more like 'bawn-jower', and relished the look of annoyance on her face. 

Her class today consisted of her explaining things from the text book, and I deemed it too boring to pay attention. So I started talking to the person next to me. 

"Hey, do you know what homework we had for History last night?" I asked. I had a free period next so I was going to do it then. 

John, who was next to me, said we had a report on WWII due today so I silently cursed at myself for forgetting it.

Apparently I wasn’t quiet enough, not that I was trying to keep too quiet. 

"Miss Williams!" Madame Merèchal yelled, "Why are you having a conversation while I’m teaching?!" she said in a heavy French accent. 

I just couldn’t help myself. 

"Why are you teaching while I’m having a conversation?" I countered. 

The classes laughed a bit. Madame Marèchal was furious. 

"Do you want me to move your seat?" she asked angrily.

"If I sit here, I’ll whisper to him. If you move me across the room, I’ll yell to him" I said, "your choice"

I gave her a mischievous smile.

"How about you take a seat in the Headmaster's office" She ordered, pointing to the door so that I would see myself out. 

I smiled, "gladly" 

I grabbed my stuff and left the room. 

I know that was a stupid thing to do, but it was fun at least.

As I walked through the halls, a group of guys where talking in the corner.

One of them pointed at me and they all laughed and two of them walked towards me. I rolled my eyes and prepared myself for whatever would happen next. The first one spat at my feet and the other shoved me aside against a locker. They grabbed my books and threw them on the floor. 

"What’s this?" one of them asked holding my chemistry book upside down.

"Are you blind? It's my chemistry book, though you wouldn't know that" I said, " You guys are just too stupid to read, let alone understand chemistry"

That angered them. 

Oops

One of them opened his mouth to speak, but before he could say anything, we all heard footsteps coming down he corridor. It sounded like a teacher so the boys grabbed their things and hurried off. I muttered an insult to them and scuffled away. I went to the library and sat down. 

Headmaster's office my ass. I wasn't ten years old and that was a really stupid punishment. 

The best thing about Madame Marèchal was that her memory wasn't the best considering her advanced age. She wouldn't remember she sent me to the Headmaster. She should have given me a detention if she wanted me to have a real punishment. I took out my phone and scrolled through twitter again. 

Tom hadn’t tweeted anything new so I did the history homework I forgot to do last night. The rest of school went by quickly and the last bell finally rang. 

I walked home quickly and went to my room avoiding my family. I dropped my backpack and opened my laptop. After getting bored, I decided to try on some new outfits I got recently. I put on some navy blue shorts and a black v-neck shirt. I took a picture and posted it on instagram.

I commented "How do you all like my new outfit?" 

I felt my stomach growl with hunger so I grabbed my wallet with the intention of going to the cafe down the street but noticed it was empty. 

Damn it, I thought I had some cash left. 

I shrugged it off and grabbed my credit card. 

I walked down the street and asked for a strawberry smoothie. I gave the lady at the cashier my credit card and looked at my watch. It was getting late and I had homework. 

"Umm, miss" the cashier got my attention, "there is no money in your card"

What?! I just checked yesterday! 

"Are you sure?" I asked politely, "I had at least £500" 

Then I remembered what my mother said. I had to pay £500 of rent a month!!

"I’m sorry for bothering you" I said furiously taking my card and leaving. 

Damn her.

Damn my family. 

Damn my life. 

I slammed the door to my house shut and stormed upstairs.

I was furious. I didn’t think she was serious. I’m her daughter for crying out loud. I decided to calm myself down and checked my account on instagram. I noticed someone commented on my picture.

Tess_Stonehill123: eww, you're so ugly 

I rolled my eyes and answered back

NicoleWilliams1995: gee thanks for being so nice Tess. (Note the sarcasm) and you don’t look to great yourself 

Many responded to my comment. 

Rachel_the_great: Don’t be mean to Tess she's only telling the truth

Saphire24880: And Tess was being nice cuz not only are you ugly but ur fat. 

Tess_Stonehill123: Stop torturing others with you presence and put yourself out of your misery 

Rachel_the_great: agreed 

I threw my phone on my bed angrily and looked at myself in the mirror. There was some truth in their comments, I wasn't exactly gorgeous, but a tear threatened to roll down my cheek anyways. 

What the Hell did I do to make everyone hate me!? 

They were right. All of them. 

'I should put myself out of my misery', I thought pitifully, 'I'd be doing everyone a favor' 

I brushed away a thought about what Tom Hiddleston would think if he knew I was thinking about this.

But I knew what I would do. 

It was for the good of everyone.


	3. Chapter 3

I tore a piece of paper out of my notebook and grabbed my favorite blue pen from my drawer. 

If I was going to do this, I had to tell him that he kept me living this long and that I owed him my life, or what was left of it anyways. 

 

Tom,

My name is inconsequential because I'm not really important, but in case you're dying to know, it's Nicole. I'm aware that the chances of this letter getting into your hands is very slim, but on the off chance you read this, there are some things I'd like you to know about me. 

I've been telling myself I know why I'm writing this, that I have to go through with this, but I don't understand it myself. I have to go through with this. I have to. 

I know you won't agree with this, and that I'm just going to disappoint another person in my life, so I need to justify this. 

My first memory was being beaten by my father. Since then, I've known darkness. I've been walking a path with no end and I guess it's only reasonable to end it myself.

I'm not being selfish, that would require someone to care about me; for someone to miss me. 

I don't think anyone in my school could probably tell you my name. 

So I'm here to apologize, not for what I'm going to do, but for living. Because, my existence consists of me wasting precious air and food that could be used for someone else who actually has a future. 

I don’t see a future for me because there is none. I have been wondering my whole life where it is that I will end up and I've never known. Most kids know they want to be a teacher, or police officer, or even an astronaut. I never understood why I didn't know what I wanted to be. Until now, that is. I never knew because there was no future for me. I get it now and it makes so much sense. 

I'm pathetic and for the sake of every living being in this world I need to get rid of myself. I'm not good for anyone or anything. 

I was a mistake since the beginning. I kept my mother from completing her education and my father can't support us because I'm too much to handle. 

You must be wondering why I burdened you with this letter. Well you see, I have to thank you for being the only reason I'm alive today. For the longest time, you were the only source of my happiness. Just looking at you on the telly gave me hope that someday, I could be as great as you. But I have to face the truth. My life won’t get better and I should have realized this sooner. 

Well to get to the point, I just wanted to say good-bye to the man that helped me through my hardest moments. Again, I’m know I’m a disappointment to you and I'm sorry. But you don’t have to worry about that. I'll be gone soon anyway. 

I'm taking this week to make peace with this world, this city I call home, and then I'm gone for good. 

Now I'll be selfish. I mean, why the hell not, it doesn't matter anyways. 

I've always wanted to fly so I'm giving it a shot. I guess jumping of a building isn't the worst way to go. It'll be an exhilarating last moment.

I might even show up in the Sunday paper, as if the most important thing I did in my life was jump off the roof of Stone Hill Secondary School. 

At eight at night, next week, I'll become a part of the forgotten. I've decided that its my place, my true home. 

I want to die and I've only just now mustered up the courage to do so. I'm proud of myself for once. 

Being the man you are, you may attempt to stop me. 

Please don't. 

I'm simply not worth it. 

If this letter caused you distress, I'm sorry. It's the last thing I wanted to do. I wanted to let you know that you have made my life a little less of a hell than it would have been without you. 

~Nicole

 

I neatly folded the letter and stuffed it in an envelope. I had it mailed instantly, giving me no time to regret sending it. 

I didn't have the right to let him know if my existence, but I was selfish. Just another one of my many flaws.


	4. Chapter 4

(Nicole POV)

I walked in through the back door of my house hoping to avoid my mum. My dad was not home, but that was to be expected. 

To my relief, my mum didn't notice me walk in. 

I climbed up the stairs and into my room and shut the door softly. 

I went to my laptop and logged on to my twitter account. I replied to some of Tom Hiddleston's tweets, though I knew he had better things to do than answer a nobody, like me. 

I looked out the window to look at the sky. It was orange and pink, not very common for London. The sun had already disappeared past the buildings so I couldn’t see it. I decided that I would try to enjoy these little things while I'm still alive. 

I turned my radio on and laid down on my bed. I closed my eyes and let the lyrics of the song-playing sink in. The song Mad World came on. It was one of the many songs that could make me cry. 

"All around me are familiar faces".... the faces of my family that don't seem to recognize me.

"Worn out places, worn out faces" of every place and everyone I have ever come to know.... that no longer matter. 

"Bright and early for the daily races" that never stop because life races past me and I never have time to notice it.

"Going nowhere, going nowhere" because my life is literally going nowhere. 

"Their tears are filling up their glasses" that are, of course, half empty, rather than full. 

"No expression, no expression" as they condemn my insignificance. 

"Hide my head I wanna drown my sorrow" so that I can no longer breath. 

"No tomorrow, no tomorrow." Because tomorrow may never come. 

"And I find it kind of funny, I find it kind of sad. The dreams in which I'm dying are the best I've ever had"... and yet they're nightmares. 

"I find it hard to tell you, I find it hard to take"... I find it hard to live, and I think I'm giving up.

"When people run in circles its a very, very/ Mad world, mad world"....mad, crazy world indeed. Too much for me. 

"Children waiting for the day they feel good".... yet that day will never come

"Happy birthday, happy birthday"...I don't remember the last birthday I celebrated.

"And I feel the way that every child should/ Sit and listen, sit and listen." Listen to the sound of your world crumbling. 

"Went to school and I was very nervous".... even though no one notices...ever. 

"No one knew me, no one knew me" because no one cared to know me. 

"Hello teacher tell me, what's my lesson?" I'd never ask out of fear.

"Look right through me, look right through me" because I am invisible. 

"And I find it kind of funny, I find it kind of sad

The dreams in which I'm dying are the best I've ever had.

I find it hard to tell you, I find it hard to take

When people run in circles its a very, very

Mad world, mad world, enlarging your world

Mad world"

I let a tear roll down my cheek half way through the song. 

It was astounding how quickly I could go from somewhat normal to an emotional wreck.

These days anything could make me cry. 

Evidently I was crying loudly for my mother to bear since she banged on my door and said (and I quote) "shut the hell up! No body wants to hear you crying you pathetic piece of shit!" 

A+ parenting, right there. I'm not sad anymore.

You would think I'd be used to their constant insults and the way they treat me. There's always a part of me that hopes they might realize what they do to me actually hurts. 

I wish the world would realize that, but the world doesn't care. No body does. 

My only comfort was knowing I had only a few days left. 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

(Third person POV)

Tom Hiddleston walked into his hotel, greeting the bellhop with a warm smile. 

It was about 9:30 and he had just returned from a meeting with his manager, Luke. He walked to the elevator and hit the third floor button. 

Once he got into his room, he lay on the foot of bed, without bothering to take off any of his clothes. But just as soon as he closed his eyes, someone knocked at the door. 

Tom sighed and got up.

Before he got the door, his manager walked into the hotel room. Apparently Luke had his own key. 

"Sure come in" Tom said sarcastically, but humorously. 

"I brought some fan mail for you, Tom" His manager said giving him a big stack of mail. 

Tom smiled and grabbed the mail.

"You should try and answer all of them Tom, it makes fans happy" his manager said.

"Of course I will answer all of them, if fans bother to write, I should bother to answer" Tom replied cheerfully. He always answered to every fan mail sooner or later. 

"Well, I have to go. Have fun with the mail and see you tomorrow. You have that interview to go to, don’t forget" his manager said. 

"See you" Tom said sitting down on the couch opening the first letter.

Dear Tom,

Thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you so much for being the wonderful, (sexy), and amazing man you are. But most of all, I have you to thank for inspiring me to become actress. I just got my first real part in a local musical and its going to be great! Thank you for that!!!  
Count me in as part of Loki's army:)

~Tabitha Jones

It was a short letter, but sweet.

He replied quickly and included an autographed picture, even though she didn’t ask for one. 

He answered to about ten more, but then fell asleep on the couch.


End file.
